Intimacy Ignited Excerpt

Excerpt from Intimacy Ignited, by Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus

Chapter 2
Give Permission for Passion

Tirzah and Solomon [the bride and groom in the Song of Solomon in the Bible] were drunk with love. They had sipped from each other’s lips and were inebriated with the wine of passion. Perhaps Solomon was thinking of this moment when he wrote:

Let your love and your sexual embrace with your wife intoxicate you continually with delight. Always enjoy the ecstasy of her love (Proverbs 5:19, our paraphrase).


As we see here and in many passages throughout this Song, God gives permission for passion. His Word says, “Relax. Let go. Give into your erotic feelings. Allow yourself to become intoxicated by your mate’s sexual touches.” Stop for a moment and consider what happens when people become intoxicated. Alcohol impacts the way they think, see, hear, walk, and talk; it overtakes them. What does it mean when the Bible says that we are to intoxicate our mate with the “wine of lovemaking”? It means that our beloved is to be overtaken by the pleasure of our sexual love.

It is as if God reaches down through the pages of Scripture and says to a wife, “Enjoy your husband, give pleasure to him, receive pleasure from him. Delight yourself in the erotic feelings of your sexual love.” And to the husband, God urges, “Enjoy your wife, give pleasure to her, receive pleasure from her. Delight yourself in the erotic feelings of your sexual love.”

How is passion ignited? For Solomon and Tirzah, it began with a kiss.

Build Anticipation Through Kissing
Many couples tell us that after being married several years, they relegate kissing to the bottom of their list of intimate touch. They simply bypass the lips. These couples are forgetting how a slow, probing kiss can make your heart pound and your knees weak.
A medical doctor explains: “There is a physical reason our lips cry out to be kissed. The lips have a proportionately larger number of nerve endings than other parts of the body.”

Consider these additional observations about the importance of kissing:
Marriage counselor: “Kissing is an indicator of the quality of a sexual relationship. When kissing is passionate, it is likely the couple has a satisfying sexual relationship.”
Author: “Kissing is the most intimate and personal sharing of ourselves because we are touching another with a part of our body that we use to communicate and nurture ourselves.”
And this zinger from a woman in “the oldest profession in the world:” “I tell my clients I’ll have sex with them but I won’t kiss them. Kissing is too intimate.”

The ancient Chinese felt that kissing belonged only in the intimate, erotic world of the Jade Chamber (a reference to sexual relations), and that kissing in public was tantamount to having sex in public. While this is an extreme view, it suggests that kissing is a key to igniting intimacy. We agree!

When was the last time the two of you shared a long, lingering kiss? If it has been awhile, plan tonight to rediscover the joys of kissing. Start with the lips, but don’t stop there. Consider other parts of your beloved’s body that beg for the brush of a kiss. Press your lips against firm muscles and into soft curves. Touch, taste, and linger in hidden areas available only to you. Allow anticipation to build. As you do, you will discover how easy it is to turn everyday, ordinary kisses into “better than wine” kisses.

You’ve witnessed Solomon and Tirzah’s burning kisses. Let us warn you, this is only the beginning. Future scenes are even more steamy. When the four of us first understood all the nuances of the Song of Solomon, we were stunned that God’s Word would be so specific about sex. But we are grateful that our Creator cared so much about sexual oneness in marriage that He included an instruction manual to help us. God wants married couples to have a love so hot, so passionate, so intense that nothing will be able to extinguish it, and He knows the key for such love is becoming servant lovers to each other.

To read more about how being a servant lover and how to ignite passion in your marriage, order now.